The Sinner

I keep taking bites of this shiny red apple I know is so poisonous.

It’s sweet to the taste but it kills me inside. Yet each time I go back to this poisonous apple.

I look at the apple and ask why do you do this, why do you keep poisoning me.

You help me get better then poison me again.

I can’t take it

I’m weak

I’m alone

You’re here but you’re not really..

Hear,

All these words in my mind but I can not express the way that I feel, the way that you make me feel

 I hate myself

Do I hate myself or do I hate you for making me hate myself?

Can't make my mind up - Both.

Massage my back then stab me in it

Dip me in the River Styx.. only you know my weak spot. And you go for it.

Over.

And over.

Again.

God damn you I scream, but it’s not loud enough.

Trying to run away but I’m not running fast enough

Pop a few pills take me deep out of consciousness

Living in my subconscious, this shit is even worse than my consciousness. I came here to escape the demons that live with me in the day only to find even worse ones that torment me at night.

Pop a couple more and I’m flying, to no where that is – this must be purgatory.

Suicide’s a sin.

And I’m going to hell.

God have mercy on my young damaged soul

Did he put me on earth as a test of my faith, if he did then fuck faith.

screaming at a god with no sign of existence. I’m done with this fairy tale.

Swallow a couple more, feel the liquid run down my throat, so smooth is this death. I regret it.

What’s death without blood you’ll still stay un noticed, they’ll never run their fingers over your scars.

They don’t get it but I get it I get me I get it.

Deep in my subconscious, I revel in my thoughts. Am I happy am I sad, the suffering is over. I come to the realisation that I don’t want it to be over.

I like the pain

The self inflicted pain. Cause by you and caused by others

The silent pain, no one ever sees it coming.